One thing about being a widow that's a little tricky is making decisions. For many years there was a partner to talk the decisions through with, and, even though we may not have always agreed, at least there's someone to discuss things with. As a widow, there's really no one. Sure, there are friends, but they don't know me the way my husband did. They mean well, but their lives are different than my life in so many ways. There are also family members who would be willing to help with the decisions, but, again, they don't have the intimate knowledge that a husband has. Plus, there's the feeling of not wanting to be a burden to someone else, so it seems better to make decisions alone.
One of the first things I had to decide was what to do with the "stuff" that belonged to my husband. As I mentioned before, my husband was a collector of many things and never threw anything out, so this was an enormous job! Lots of well-meaning people advised me to just get a dumpster and have it hauled away, but I wanted to do right by John and find the right places for as many things as possible. The boy scout memorabelia should go to someone who would appreciate it, so lots of things were sent back to the troop that John had started in Albuquerque. Then, several of the antique boy scout books went to the Tennessee museum for their boy scout display.
I could bore you with many of the other dispositions of items, but, basically, I gave away what I knew should go to certain people or places, and sold most of the rest. Some of the decisions were made hastily, but I don't regret them. One thing I made sure to do was to check with our son, Caleb, before getting rid of anything to make sure he didn't want to keep it. Most of it he was happy to get rid of, but there were a few things he wanted to keep, like the hot sauce collection. In the kitchen we have two cabinets that are almost full of different bottles of hot sauce - I lost count at 500! It's a great collection and catches the eye of everyone who comes in. I think Caleb's decision to keep it was smart and he'll enjoy it in his own home someday.
One of my worst decisions was made during a vacation with some friends about six months after John passed away. We were staying in a time share and really enjoying ourselves. My sons were commenting on how much fun they were having and how nice it would be to have a place like that for vacations. I asked at the front desk to talk to someone about purchasing a time share. The person I asked wanted to know if my spouse was with me and I told her I was a widow. Then she asked the question that rubbed me the wrong way - "Can you afford this on your own?" Wrong thing to say to me at that time in my life.....I was already feeling vulnerable and took offense to this comment, so then I had to prove something! Stupid move on my part! Long story short, I ended up buying a time share, but didn't consider when or how we would be able to use it. We've used it a few times, but the procedure to reserve a place is cumbersome, and other considerations have to be made, such as getting time off from work and transportation. It may turn out to be something that I'll be glad to have someday, but I've really regretted jumping into it so quickly.
My advice is to take your time making decisions. Not only the big ones, but the little, seemingly meaningless ones as well. If you're not sure of something don't get hooked into the "today is the only day this deal is available" sales pitch. It will still be there after you've taken some time to think and talk it over with someone whose opinion you value. Always remember, God is in control and He's happy to guide you along if you let Him.
Thanks for taking this journey with me...more to come!
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